The following was published in the April 2009 email digest of the national Reform Sex Offender Laws (RSOL) organization. In this essay, I share the events that led me to get involved with RSOL, and later, to assume leadership of the Iowa chapter, known as the Iowa Coalition for Sex Offender Rehabilitation (mission statement at bottom of post). I conclude with an argument for building broad coalitions to prevent sexual violence in our society.
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I never would have imagined just a few years ago that I would ever become an advocate for the diverse group of people we lump together as “sex offenders.” A lot has happened in my life since then, however, forcing me to re-evaluate my plans. While tragic, the changes have ultimately been for the better, and I am pleased to be involved with the Reform Sex Offender Laws (RSOL) organization. In this essay, I will share the events that led me to get involved in RSOL, as a participant and then as a state organizer, and my views on the journey that lies ahead.
My Story
I was the victim of sexual abuse as a young boy. At the time, I was unable to make sense of what was happening, what was being done to me, or what I was being forced to do. I did not possess the combination of mental and emotional capacities to recognize the abuse and then question it. Worst of all, I had no power to stop it. The abuse eventually did come to an end. But simply because particular abusive behaviors ceased did not mean that I regained control over my life.
There is good reason why many victims of abuse describe being given a “life sentence” while their abusers appear to go free. It’s not just fancy rhetoric. It is one of the few ways that victims have found to express what it means to be used as an object, to be dehumanized, and to forever struggle to rebuild what has been so savagely stripped away. For me, the abuse stopped long ago, but my recovery is just beginning.
Without the necessary support and therapeutic resources, I coped in precisely the same way many victims cope – pretending that it never happened. And fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I had a lot going for me as a young person – I was smart, mature, outgoing, and heavily involved with activities at school and in the community. So, it was easy to get by, or at least give the impression of being okay.
In college, I joined an advocacy organization that provided support to survivors of sexual violence; I later became a head advocate, a role in which I led peer education efforts, while also training and supervising other student advocates. This work led me to women’s studies in which I did research on sexual violence, the “rape culture,” and pornography; I received awards for my research and became the first male student to graduate from the women’s studies program at my university. I also served as a resident advisor in an all-male residence hall, which exposed me to the inner working of men’s violence and aggression in ways no research project could possibly reveal. All of my involvements were rooted in a passion for feminist (or feminist-inspired) justice work, and my experiences laid bear the harsh realities of men’s violence in our society.
My college experience was successful by traditional standards, but I was a complete wreck under the surface, struggling with depression and chronic anxiety. What I didn’t realize when I first began advocacy for survivors is that I wasn’t doing it simply to help others. Clearly that played a role, and I am pleased to say that I was able to make a difference. But advocacy, as well as my justice work overall, was part of a losing battle to cope with my own experiences of abuse.
Working against men’s violence gave me a feeling that the suffering – my own, or that which I witnessed on a daily basis – could be stopped. Not reduced, not coped with – stopped! But the more aggressively I pursued this cause, the more I began to see how deeply embedded violence is in our cultural norms and values, which led to a cycle of hope and despair in my life. One of the effects of this cycle is that I refused to face up to the fact that I am just as capable of the sort of violence, domination, and hatred as those men who have haunted my nightmares and those of people close to me. Despite everything I knew about the propensity of men as a class, by virtue of their social conditioning, to commit violence, I could not accept the notion that I was capable of such a thing. I was wrong.
While assisting a female student who was heavily intoxicated (in January 2007), I felt an urge to expose the woman’s breast, and I acted upon it. I photographed her breast and briefly took video with a digital camera. I didn’t think about what I did. I didn’t reason my way through it ahead of time. And I certainly didn’t think about the consequences, either for the victim or myself. My actions were abusive and extremely hypocritical, raising serious doubts about my ability and willingness to live according to my professed values.
The images and video files were later discovered on my computer by campus security in April 2007, which led to a police investigation and criminal charges in February 2008. Wishing to take full responsibility for my actions, I pleaded guilty to invasion of privacy, a serious misdemeanor, and felony attempted burglary (since the incident took place in the student’s dorm room) that summer. I was later sentenced to six months in county jail and a period of probation. I was not, however, required to register as a sex offender because my offense did not meet the legal criteria. I have dealt with very serious consequences for my actions, and I feel safe in assuming that many more lie ahead.
I was released from county jail in February and am now living and working in northwest Iowa. I am taking much better care of myself and pursuing the necessary therapeutic resources to cope with my past and live a responsible and healthy lifestyle in the future. I am also exploring different ways to contribute to our society through service, activism, and community organizing, including my involvement with RSOL. I approach this work with the recognition that current sex offender laws, in addition to being ineffective and unjust, create serious obstacles for offenders who are seriously committed to rehabilitation. In the interest of addressing these problems, I am pleased to serve as a state organizer for the RSOL chapter in Iowa, the Iowa Coalition for Sex Offender Rehabilitation.
Our Journey Ahead
None of us really have the answers we would like to have to the problem of sexual violence in our society. Politicians “get tough” on sex crimes, instead of “getting smart,” by treating everyone convicted of a sexuality-related offense as a sexual predator, stripping away their dignity and civil liberties. Reporters push misguided messages about the danger of “the other” across town, ignoring the fact that the more significant threat is inside the home. Law enforcement officials warn us about the threat of sex offenders in our community, while the majority of sex crimes go unreported, and the majority of abusers are never held accountable. And as citizens, we seem fixated on the easiest answers to the most complex and difficult questions. We in RSOL, for instance, sometimes focus so much on the needs and interests of sex offenders that we forget who ought to be the central voice in this debate – victims of sexual violence.
I think there is a great deal RSOL can do to resolve these problems, in concert with other groups such as victims’ advocates, public health officials, and spiritual leaders. Those of us who have hurt someone can demonstrate how to take responsibility for our actions, make amends, and move forward to live healthy, productive lives. We can also shed light on the lived experiences of sex offenders and their families, raising awareness about the challenges of moving forward under a system that restricts offenders into the perpetual role of “predator.”
By working together, we can say goodbye to the illogical and dehumanizing rhetoric about sex offenders that has pervaded the public discourse for the last decade. We can develop comprehensive, well-reasoned, and sustainable policies that actually prevent sexual violence in our society, while protecting the rights of all our citizens. And on a spiritual level, we can break the vicious cycle of violence and domination in our relationships, our families, and our communities. But we will accomplish nothing without working together and forming broad coalitions. Sexual violence touches all of our lives, and we all must play a role in putting a stop to it.
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The Iowa Coalition for Sex Offender Rehabilitation (IA-CSOR) promotes responsible public policy for sex crimes and sex offender management by facilitating public discourse, research and policy development, and advancement of therapeutic resources, while also providing support for sex offenders and their families. Specifically, we are interested in addressing policy measures like sex offender registration, residency restrictions, and civil commitment laws to ensure that rehabilitation for sex offenders is a serious priority. We are a broad-based coalition that counts among its members sex offenders and their families, victims’ advocates, spiritual leaders, therapists, attorneys, as well as medical and public health professionals.
