UConn Student Speaks Out
Bless you, Melissa Bruen, for your courage.
Read about Melissa’s “Spring Weekend Nightmare.” You can also read more at Shakesville, the Hartford Courant, and Oh, You’re a FEMINIST?!. And check out StudentActivism.net for discussion of criticism Bruen has faced for speaking out.
Having come across situations like the one Melissa describes many, many times as an advocate, either hearing about them from a survivor or intervening as a witness to such acts, I feel compelled to admit an unpleasant reality that most people are apt to miss. The men who assaulted Melissa are not awful, terrible, evil monsters, nor are they strikingly different (at least from what we know) from other men. This is not to say that we ought to condone or ignore their actions - doing so would be irresponsible and would provide support to a rape culture that has no place in a civil society. Indeed, while I hesitate to use the word “punishment” precisely because such a concept in practice tends to reinforce the same masculinist practices we are trying to reject, the men who assaulted Melissa owe her (at the very least) an apology. They also owe themselves and all women some very careful and critical reflection on their roles as human beings and their responsibilities to resist the allure of male supremacy, particularly mens’ perceived entitlement to use and abuse women’s bodies. But even while these personal acts of redemption and self-transformation may be meaningful, and in fact, may prevent further acts of violence, a larger system of male supremacy is operating that begs our attention.
Just as the men who assaulted Melissa are not extraordinarily different from other men in our male supremacist culture, there is nothing about the assaults that could be described as unique. Not the location, the environment, the social context, and obviously not the gendered arrangement. I started college right after news hit that Kobe Bryant had been arrested on sexual assault charges and graduated shortly after the Duke lacrosse players became posterboys for every man in the country wishing to reveal the so-called “epidemic rates” of false rape allegations. During these two cases and several in-between, I was shocked at the level of public disbelief that men might be responsible for rape and other forms of sexual assault - or perhaps it was the belief that we can decipher whether or not a man is a rapist based on race, class, or social capital, conveniently sorting men into rapists and non-rapists. The horrifying truth of the matter is that all men are capable of rape, and we live in a culture that teaches men to feel empowered through exploiting women’s bodies. And the notion that “good guys” are okay and it’s really the “bad guys” we ought to be concerned about not only creates an unrealistic picture of men’s violence, it also endangers women’s lives.
One day I’ll write a book. Well, hopefully several. But this book in particular will be a compilation of all the stories shared with me by survivors. Women (of a variety of different backgrounds) raped, beaten, groped, stalked, threatened, drugged, coerced, tortured, pissed on, and emotionally abused by men (of a variety of different backgrounds). It always strikes me, when listing these abuses, that the words are almost meaningless out of context. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Why would we take men’s violence seriously if we cannot begin to understand, on an emotional level, its effects on the lived experiences of women? I would never try to publish this book - these are not my stories to tell. But sometimes I tinker with the idea of creating something - maybe a work of art - that could somehow demonstrate to people that this problem is real. That the “shocking,” “disgusting,” and “evil” stories they hear about barely scratch the surface.
What does stand out about Melissa’s story, what is truly unique, is that she spoke out. Not just to a friend or family member. She put it on the front page of the campus newspaper! And since, along with a whole host of ridiculous and insensitive reactions, an online reader challenged her journalistic integrity, let me say that I think Melissa’s decision as an editor was not only appropriate, but vitally important. By making her story public, she did something that took a lot of courage and will unfortunately stir up some of the most sexist and ignorant (a correlation perhaps?) criticism. She challenged people to face men’s violence, to challenge it, and to build communities of resistance.
Thank you, Melissa.
Until the violence stops,
Kyle
